The way things should be

I feel so alone this morning
But that loneliness makes me write more words to you.

I placed my plans into a mans hands
only to discover he wasn't a man from the beginning.

But there is still time I suppose
as long as I don't let the what ifs take over.

I can only laugh as much as my mother lets me
But who's fault is that really.

I blame my life on everyone else.

And that's because
Things never turn out the way I think they should be.

M.A.A

Dancing

if you ever regret loving me remember that I loved you first without thinking you would ever kiss my lips.


and that maybe in 7 years none of your skin will remember mine but my god your soul will cry out for me in the night.

remember I won' be there to comfort it.


i bet you'll wear that scarf i made you for your birthday and tell your friends that you bought it,
because you can't bear to see something I made be thrown away

to bad you'll never see me make our children then

if you ever leave me remember what life was like without me


who are you going to call when you are mad at the world,
who are you going to love when the stars dance.

because i'll be dancing with them.


m.a.a

No Longer a Savior

I'm picking up pieces of my heart from the floor

You want to help but stepping closer will just crush the pieces smaller

I never thought you would be the problem yet i never needed you more

You just stand there watching  

 

You can only say sorry so many times before it no longer is a savior   

I wonder what she is thinking right now

I've never seen you look at me that way before

I'm not sure if its good or bad..

Or just another broken heart hitting the ground

 

M.a.a 

Spontaneous

I feel like my life isnt where I want it to be

I have a checklist of things I'm supposed to do and I cross them off as the others appear

But I want to break free.

I want to write my own things on the list
I want to be spontaneous 

Let's jump on a train and run run run away
And we can kiss until we cant remember our names
I'll meet you at the court house and marry you today

M.a.a.

Smartest

They say that the smartest people are most depressed and that's the saddest thing.

That the more you understand the world the more you want to leave.

M.a.a 

Broken People

Us broken people have the urge to mend anything around us broken

But a broken person can only put someone else back together as much as they are whole.

You need to fix yourself before you can truly help others

Believe me I would know

It's better to break her heart then ruin her soul

M.a.a

Truth

Delicately shuffled words
Made to throw the truth away.

There is nothing you can say or do
To make me turn the other way.

I would rather be destroyed by the truth then lied to and led astray .

M.a.a.

Treason

I put it all behind me and now I feel so empty

I'm afraid that those thoughts will never haunt me again

Is it bad that I don't think I will ever truly want to understand

Though there will always be a little beauty in self betrayal and treason


M.a.a

Grow

I put my finger on your lips 

to hush you from yourself

It's a scary place to run away from because you have nowhere to go

But baby remember you'll always have me 

And I'm sorry if that's a bad thing to know

 
At least I can whisper counteractions to your mind

And When I start to break down you will be the force reminding me to grow

M.a.a

Forgot

I think I forgot to tell you something

How we know how to laugh without a thought

The beauty and the simplicity of nothing

Your happiness is everything I could ever want

M.a.a

Broken

You twisted the words out of me.

As i coughed up my own blood
i realized the truth.

You would never be who I thought you would.

Maybe there was hope for me
but not for your livelihood.

Because I was breaking
but you were already broken so long ago.

M.a.a

Change the World

I don't know what I did
I don't know how to fix this 
I would die for you 
yet i can't fulfill this wish 

I try to give you what you want 
But I can't change the world for you 
I can't make your life perfect 
Even when I try the hardest too

Please forgive me 
And know I would never try to hurt you 
Just let me be 
And let me love myself too 

m.a.a 

Lied

we don't want to forget

the pretty little dresses we used to wear,

or the first time he kissed you and it felt perfect

we claim that we never think about the what ifs

we claim we don't want to remember

and yet hope we will meet again

we lie to ourselves just like we lied to them


m.a.a

Wasn't

I wasn't made to be pretty

I wasn't made to blend in

I wasn't meant to just watch silently 

I wasn't Made to be happy 

I wasn't made to be young

I wasn't meant to ignore the weight of the world

I was made to use my tounge

M.A.A

Scars

 

She painted on cuts

Too much of a coward to make her own

But is she really a coward

Because ink washes off when she is alone 

While others are left with scars

 

M.a.a

Home

Is there another side of the glass
Or is my reflection really my own

Am I supposed to be happy
Or was I born to feel alone

The badlands have caught me
Or maybe I have just found my home

M.a.a

what you all want to know about me

1. I cry a lot..
But I also smile a lot

2. I'm a very messy artist and cook but I have to keep my room clean

3. I hate how I manipulate people sometimes but i'm getting better

4. I've seen a therapist and I've learned that its ok to know that you are broken

5. My body isn't as healthy as I want it to be but its my home

6. God has never left me

7. I write not to remember the past but to forget it

8. I am the worst speller on the planet

9. I listen to music way to loud

10. I was supposed to be born in the 50s

11. It took me way to long to write this

Maybe decide today to tell someone 11 real things about you.

Last Year

All my tears slip into my open mouth
And I grew from the last year of pain


m.a.a