Why I Write

People ask why I write so much. As if it's a sin.

I say, "I write to remember", because they will never really understand.. The truth is I write to forget. Like vodka spewing out from my lips. It burns when it comes up again but i choke it out. And when it's all over I clean up the mess and all that is left is the black stains on my fingertips.

m.a.a

Wish

And like a book you wish you could read again for the first time,
I miss not being able to remember the things i remember now.

M.a.a

Remember

i ache for words that will break my heart

because if the knife is already plundged
into me then why not let yourself feel the pain

if we were made to love and hate then empty threats mean nothing

i skake with anger because I want to forget
but all i do is remember

m.a.a

Loose Change

I'm sitting all alone right next to you

Questioning if my thoughts are just like loose change

Not even enough to think twice about
Yet rattling as to always remind you

A penny for my thoughts is meaningless

Making me wonder if my mind means anything to the world

If they mean nothing to you

m.a.a

Homesick

I'm homesick for a person not a place

Not a time on a clock but a face

He who is infatuated with me while our hearts race

My mind rains tears and my heart has slowed to a steady pace

I feel empty without him like a Vacant Flower vase

The memory of him leaving and returning with his green suitcase

If you drew my blood in every vein you would find his trace

I'm homesick for a person not a place

And all my lips long for is his taste

m.a.a

Dusty

He Loved me for a little while before he decided he was done with me

He set me aside like an old book on a bookshelf wishing its spine wasn't so dusty

m.a.a

Thrill

My mind wanders to the many different eyes it would have been
And snap on one that very much should have happened.

But i keep my eyes closed and my mouth open.
Don't think so much i reprimand myself,

You'll destroy yourself in the process
But i really cant help it. 

I wonder as my thoughts think about the what ifs and should haves if they really did happen.
But maybe i'm a dreamer and i chose the wrong answer.

And i'll never know what would have happened if only i'd kissed him.
I should have kissed him..

I wish i was more reckless and yet said no when i wanted,
I've tried to rewind the clock but only have managed to pause it.

I'm stuck on the thought of the thrill of a different life
Or maybe just the idea that revolves around it.

m.a.a

Questions

 -There are so many things I never realized I wanted-

-Like traveling the world so I might not be forgotten -

-Time keeps me in its grasp
it's freedom being flaunted-

-If only there was a way that this life could be confronted-

-A coffee mug in hand and a notebook in the other, my view of things would still be distorted-

-Even if I had all the time in the world
so many questions would be left unresponded-

-M.a.a-

Better Than

In the moment of silence between a butterflies wings in motion 

In the space between the seconds that we don't speak of

Maybe there is something much better then this broken love 

We all hate change even though we know there might be things better above

 
Fear is the one holding you and somehow that is better than being free and yet alone

M.a.a

Unbreakable

You asked if I was unbreakable,
Because of all the tears you'd never seen me cry.
But you'll never understand how wrong those words were until tonight.
The twisted shadows that hid what truly held me.

Maybe you should have asked why you never had seen me cry.
Maybe you would have seen the broken glass that had cut me.
Maybe you would have seen the demons fingerprints left on my neck choking.
Maybe you would have lit the dying fire in my eyes,
and instead ask how long I'd been broken.

M.A.A

Caution

i have caution tape on the end of my fingertips. i have a crown of roses tangled in my hair. i love you is laced through my lips. a cloth tries to cover all my skin but my brokenness has spilled everywhere. glass is shredded into my hips and my tounge has forgotten how to share. the tape reads caution don't touch her for she is only pieces and bits.

m.a.a

Isn't It

I'm being pulled in two diffrent directions
And I shouldn't

Four eyes keep haunting me and I told myself to divide them
But I couldn't

I thought they would change
But they haven't

So it's up to me and I assumed the answer would show It's self
But it wouldn't

It's just lovely to be chosen
Itsn' t it..

M.A.A

Murderer

You fell in love with a murderer
Believe me it's not a joke
You saw my smile and loved it
But if you saw my heart, it bleeds out the hoex
It's quite a sad story I know
You'll know it's too late when the knife is up against your throat
Because she bled me out slowly from the wrists down to my soul
I knew I always loved you
and I'm sorry to let you go
But run as fast as you can even if I scream no
It's to late for me
And now you know
I killed the little girl i was and
My knife is already thrown.

M.a.a

Waiting Forever

I'm tired of being apologized to
After it's done
How do I know what's right
When I've been always showed wrong
I am willing to wait
But for how long
When will he understand I don't Just want a dinner plate
I want to belong
Am I willing to wait forever
When he's not ready for me to be With him lifelong.

M.A.A

Dark Knight

Chained to the floor with mind communication to a dragon
Giving up on someone coming because I no longer existed
Darkness probed out my thoughts
And I no longer tried screaming
Bathing myself in my tears
Scratching at my skin just to remind myself how to feel something
Hope lingered like the flickering ashes of the candle
Time no longer was an enemy
Death showed up at the window taunting saying
I'm your dark knight
Give me your hand and I'll carry you far away.
Cowering in the corner i covered my ears not sure if she should go or stay
Until someone new came one day
With blinding armour and a voice i wanted to obey
Asking if I wanted to be free
I let him cut my chains away
And instead of killing the dragon he used the chains that were on me to control it
How did you find me i asked him
I knew my princess was out here someone so I have been searching for you for years
Don't you want me to come with you i asked reaching the ground
No he said I want you to be free
I know she said but with you my heart is already free

M.A.A

Broken Things

We are fragile creatures.
Looking for love in a lifetime of 80 years.
And the locked door meant only passion or crying.
Mom, Throwing things across the room didn't block out the screams.
And when the scale broke, a piece of paper was the fate of everything.
Dad don't blame yourself.
Yet all we are left with now is a room full of broken things. 

M.A.A 

Pretty

Why can't I be pretty?

I swear it would make me happier

Why can I list my insecurities like poetry

It would make waking up simpler

I've traced everything on my body I wish I could reshape with certainty

And my life would be so much easier

But when did I think of myself as a better artist then the creator of eternity

M.A.A

Breakthrough

I think I wish there was a way to breath the life back into you
But I've  found a sacrifice is always necessary

The good kings are always killed so early and the evil are left to rule
I uses to think who I am was hereditary

But I've found that I am something completely new
Wondering if giving you all my life is something honorary

Would it kill me to give everything to you
Or just seeing you in a graveyard permanently

These thoughts are the only thing I have to breakthrough
That my time here is only temporary

M.A.A

Somewhere

You have gotten used to always watching the clock
But she is dancing with the stars in her hair

People say she is crazy for the way she walks
But the way she smiles is beautifully rare

So think twice before you mock her
And maybe one day try to sit down with her and you'll start to stare

Believe me she is not at all lost except maybe in thought
Because she has no sense of time in her wonderful somewhere

Listen to the way she talks
And you'll learn through her riddles and tales
That living in the stars is better then living anywhere

M.A.A

Essence of Who i Am

I wish there was something I could write to make someone's day
To make them want to turn their life around and go the other way

I wish I could write something to make someone smile
So they would share it with others and light up the world for just a little while

I wish I could write something that would give someone chills
The same craving that all you can do is feel

I wish I could write something that would change someone's mind
Help them make the decision that it wasn't their time

But all I've ever written are little stories from my brain
Showing the essence of who I am and making me write out my pain

And once I've shared my stories I feel a little happier,
Hoping that maybe for just one person it will do the same

M.A.A

2am

I'm a little bit of 2am and 11pm
Both bringing out a different side
Starting off so sad yet so caught up in the world sleeping.
Feeling your heart strings pulled at the ones who are who are still up aching.
Or loving.

So tired and yet restlessly awake
I wish there wasn't a part of me that was this alone
And yet again sometimes the only way to learn to love, is yourself,
At 2am.
Smiling at the shooting stars, searching the sky, out the window you call home.

M.A.A

Serial Killer

Mother Nature is a serial killer
She has trapped us onto her
Luring us to explore her
Hoping one day we will find something better

But then she brings out the knife
And cuts us off one by one
As we die, we realize she is only a murderer

But what were we really looking for
She is just a mother trying to protect
What us humans are looking for
We are used to winning
And when we lose all we see is the horror.

Not of what we have done
But a serial Killer.

M.A.A

Getting Better

Sinking into the past or stumbling into the future
I wish those moments would last just a little bit longer
The world stopped moving when you slid that ring on my finger
As I close my eyes I am swept back to when I was younger
I am going to get through this even though sometimes I wish I wasn't getting older
But I realize now that life is only going to get better

M.A.A

What is Love

I guess its that moment you walk away from them

That you feel your heartstrings start to pull

Where left is still left but the right doesn't seem right anymore

When you come away from a kiss breathless but still needing more


I think that its in the spaces between the second that really mean the most 

But honestly I don't know

And maybe that's the real secret of love

Its not something you are supposed to understand

Just show

Holding on

It's the moment you prick your finger on the rose, that second you wake up to see it was too late.

That it's beauty entrapped you. And there was no healing the wound.. No rewinding the moment.

Now you have a choice. You could drag your hand back out of the brambles or grab onto the rose thorns harder..

And for some reason holding on seemed easier than letting go.

M.a.a

What if

What if you born into a world that never lied

What if you born into a world that searched endlessly for the truth

What if this world had confused those things

And what if you were sent to untangle those two

 

m.a.a

Scripted

I wish I lived in a movie
Where I knew the plot would end
I would be able to choose my story
And no one would no who I really am

I wish I could find my prince charming 
and live happily ever after
where I hold a script telling me what to say
always knowing what to expect in the next chapter 

I would not be scared of anything
all my fears would be behind makeup
But Instead I live in the real world
And thinking about it now I could only
 cry 
  when
       they
           called
                   cut ....

M.A.A

Falling

little girl I wish you knew,
there was more to life
then falling back on the things
that hurt you

~m.a.a~