Sacrifice

I love you more than the sun loves the moon
And their love is a tragedy for sure
For they can never touch

I love you more than the wind loves the waves
And they call each other helplessly in the night

I love you more than the trees love the rivers
For they feed themselves never slowing of their sacrifice

I love you like the emptiness of the night
When you close your eyes and feel the pressure of the world inhale and exhale
Never wondering if the human existence deserves it at all

m.a.a

Comfort

When you were just a baby your mothers arms were the most comforting thing
And then you grew to be 3 and you had a blanket that you took everywhere
When you were 8 you had your favorite stuffed animal who would talk back to you
When you were 11 your best friend would comfort you when were teased at school
when you were 15 you felt like music was the only thing to scare the tears away
And when you were 17 you found his arms that felt like home.
Then before you could blink you were 20 and holding your first baby
And the thought of comforting them comforted you


m.a.a

Perspective

There are two sides to everything. It's all perspective. All you see is the broken wall, but did you think about the bruised fist?

m.a.a

Ask Me Why

And I'd ask myself why

I could never believe a word you say

I walked through life

Like you never walk away

And looking out the window

I now see my mistake

I got lost in the blue sky

And those eyes weren't mine to take

M.a.a

Excerpt

         Like the stars we live in darkness, yet have our own fire to light the darkness up. I think so many things are misunderstood in this world. The blaming before the truth. The power before the trust and the conviction before the pain. It's all wrong, everything is. And its sad i seem to be the only one who notices. Maybe it's just because I speak with the stars. Or maybe it's because I listen back. They all live in the night. Darkness doesn't have to be bad. The world has turned all good into evil. The stars never did a thing wrong, yet they die. Just because we live in darkness doesn't mean we are.

M.A.A

-Excerpt from Color On Me-

Rain

You might have noticed I have been writing a lot about change recently. And there is a reason for that.

I Graduated high school along with both youth groups and now I have just completed my 3rd day out of 10 months of cosmetology school. At first I was terrified of the change but God has been good and I am getting in the new rhythm of things. I found this poem from a couple years ago and I though that though it doesn't talk about change it shows how much I have changed as a person. So without further ado.


Rain

There you are again, my friend the rain.

Your beautiful sound patters through my bleeding heart

Your cries remind me of the things I have never had


Comfort is what you bring me but I never want you

Knowing when you come it means I have broken down again

You never miss a night, You always remember
 

Turning my life into a story, you’re the perfect setting

I hope my small tears I shed return your favor

And again I owe the world one more thing

m.a.a

Change

There are not many things in this world that deserve your change

But so many things that feel a different way

They can start out small and meaningless

Until one day you open your eyes and

Realize you are in a metal cage

So remember who you truly are before it's really too late

 

Because those who want to change you are just jealous of your innocent mindless age

M.A.A

Words

I've got so many things on my mind tonight

And for some reason poetry is the only friend I have at 1 a.m.

This feeling of wanting to climb out on my roof and watch the stars has to mean something I guess

But all I really know is that I'm lonely

 

 

When I'm sitting with the light on, eating the chocolate you gave me, all I can see is confusion

But if I turn off the light I can't see anything at all

Why is that scarier than knowing what is to come

I don't want to be that girl anymore that sits up all night talking to the moon; pondering if you care because I know you care

All I see is how you never talk to me

But what I don't see is that to you, your words don't mean anything

One person's perspective never taught someone else about the entire world

The moon has told it's secrets to more than one man

I guess that maybe I wanted you to teach me everything about the world

And I guess maybe you knew you couldn't

So instead of walking me to my car, you left me at the door

Maybe because you felt like the moon's words were more powerful 

 

 

 

 

But you know what the moon told me

Nothing. It said nothing.  

That's when I realized that it's words are not the most important thing to me anymore

It's yours

m.a.a

Books

I love writing as you all know so for this blog post I would like to talk about the many reasons why I love writing so much. And they are called story's. When I was a little girl I loves mystery books to love story's to adventure books to tragedy's. I read the entire series of Nancy drew and the Mandie Collection by Lois Leppard. I've read Anne of green gables and Little woman. To The lord of the rings and so many more. This was just the beginning of my love for words.   

Here are some of the authors, poets and books that inspired me. I am sure you will recognize some of these titles and maybe a couple of the books you will never have heard of. I hope that maybe some of these books can inspire you too.

Girl in pieces By Kathleen Glasgow

I kind of turned this book into a blind date. I looked at the cover and picked up the book knowing nothing about it and bought it hoping it would not disappoint me. Well it is now my favorite book at the moment. The 17 year old girl in this book tore at my heart and honestly I did not realize that I loved the book so much until I closed it. I finished it in 2 days and was waiting for the ending. When I closed the book I felt hope and that was something that gave me hope for even myself.

Masterpiece By Elise Broach

Ok, this book is written for maybe 3rd or 4th grade. Yet to this day I have not been able to get it out of my mind until I finally purchased it. I honestly don't know what is about this story that i love so much. But I think that is it. It's the little things. It's the kind of story that deals with the truth and shows sacrifice. It's the kind of book I want my children to grow up with
.

Guardians of ga'hoole By Kathryn Lasky

I love this Author so much and she has written so many books and I love every single one of them. She has a way of creating worlds that is extraordinary and she ever had the owl books turned into a movie. The 15 book series made me love owls and wolves and get entangled in their world.
 

Michael Vey By Richard Paul Evans

River was the one to introduce me to these books. It's a fun adventure filled story with a little bit of everything in it. For some reason not many people have heard of this amazing series about a boy with electrical powers and his adventures to find out his past and future.  

The Fault in our stars By John Green

The book and even movie had been out for years before I picked it up at a garage sale and deciding I had nothing much else to do that afternoon. I had heard pretty much everything about this book so I had an expectation when I opened it and to be honest it was pretty high. After sobbing my eyes out and finishing the entire book that day I decided it was worthy for my bookshelf. The concepts in this book were good but that doesn't mean I agreed with everything in it. John Green knows how to write a story and he knows how to make things feel like real life.

Thirteen reasons why By Jay Asher

So many things have been said about this book. I for one have to say that I was amazed at how well Asher was able to write about a seventeen year girl. But honestly I think it's sad about all the controversy it has. Maybe those people should have talked to girls like me. But enough about that. The story changed my life, and it should change the life of everyone who reads it. And yes i agree this book isn't for everyone. But it talks about real things that seem to scare others. And best of all it gives hope. And once you close the book you have only the choice to move on, and do better.

Burning Glass By Kathryn Purdie

 
 A friend bought this book for me saying hey this girl in it is like you. The girl has a power to feel other people's emotions. I have empathy for people and so it was so cool reading about a girl who had that power as a curse. It was like putting my life into a real adventure story and it showed me that sometimes things you think are curses can be blessings in disguise. Plus a murder and a Handsome prince. What else could you ask for.

The 5th Wave By Rick Yancey

This book made me realize i loved alien taking over the planet books so much more than i thought! Yancey has a poetic way of writing that made me plant myself deep into the lives of the characters. My only warning about this book is that it has a lot of cussing.

The Evaporation of Sofi Snow By mary Weber

I may be a little bias with this book because I personally know the author and her family. But seriously it's a good book. One of my favorite things about Weber and her books is that in every one of them she intertwines a problem in today's society that she talks about in her them. Like in her old ones it was self harm. And in this one it's human trafficking. I love the sci fi feel to this new book and can't wait for the second one!

 

Cinder By Marissa Meyer

Cyborg and steampunk and Cinderella all mixed together equals Cinder. And I love all three of those things. I have to say that this is my favorite rendition of the Cinderella story with its unique characters. I want to read Myers other books but haven't been able to get the chance.

The Immortal Instruments By Cassandra Clare

Fast paced and romance pushes these books along. It overwhelms me sometimes thinking about how many books there are in this series and that there is two! Anyway I love the steam punkish setting these books have. They can be a little dark with lots of fantasy and angels and demons with a non Christian view. Clare can pull the plot twists very well and you'll be surprised with the characters you fall for.  Still love the first three books I read and hope to one day finish the rest of the story.

The Frank Peretti Books

These books were so eye opening. This book talks about angels and demons and shows you how real they really are. It was actually kind of scary.  I believe God opened this Man's eyes so he could help open ours to the spiritual wars we fight in just everyday life.

Percy Jackson By Rick Riordan

Percy Jackson. Riodian was brilliant of bringing out the stories about demi-gods and making the historical Greek and roman gods come alive. I learned more about the Greek and roman gods in these books then I did with school. The story is so well put together and you love every single one of the characters....We don't talk about the movies…

Lady Carliss and the waters of Moorue By Chuck Black

I love love love love this book so much! Another full series I need to read. This book is like Narnia and it's a Christian author so that makes it so amazing also. I remember when I was younger, acting out the story with my siblings. It's just a story that sticks to you and I highly recommend anything this man writes.

P.s This book made bows cool before Katniss did.

The Hunger Games trilogy By Suzanne Collins

I feel like these are the books that started everything. The dystopic societies, the heroine that saves the day. And these books inspired me for my book the last to die. The funny thing is I hadn't even read the books when I started the last to die. But the idea had hit me. That one day one of my books could be read by people for thousands of years. I want to tell a story and I want people to hear it. I want to help the world any way I can. So if God has given me the words then I will write until I die.  

Oh gosh there are so many books I haven't put on here but this list will have to do for a start. Maybe I'll do a part 2 sometime.

Erin Hanson: Poet

I would also like to mention my favorite Poet here also. Her Name is Erin Hanson and she is a 21 year old Australian writer. Until a little while ago I had no idea who she was but after falling in love with every single one of her poems I realized that her words were different from all the others. For being only 21 when she wrote these words you would have thought she would had lived at least 3 lifetimes to have all the knowledge she seems to have. And she truly inspires my poems so much.

You can find her work at the underground poet. I’ll put one of my favorite poems by her down here.

Selfish

And in that moment
i was glad i was not the controller of time...
Because i knew 
that selfishly i would have played that moment
over and over again
Never letting the world run out of time. 

m.a.a 

Terrible thing to know

SHE CONTINUED TO WATER A FLOWER THAT HAD ALREADY DIED.

YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE PAIN OF KILLING SOMEHING WITH TOO MUCH WATER. WITH TOO MUCH LIFE.

 BECAUSE THE THINGS THAT BRING LIFE ALSO COULD TAKE IT AWAY. AND MY DARLING THAT WAS A TERRIBLE THING TO KNOW.  

m.a.a 

Obsessed

Why
are humans so obsessed with the idea of time?
All
they are doing is counting down to their own death
minute
 by
 minute…


                                                                                M.A.A

Testimony

If you want to sacrifice everything to God come to the front the man gently spoke. But be warned he said as everyone held their breath. If you come you are asking to be crushed for God. I stood up and walked to the front and then fell on my knees crying.

The month of July was one of the most crazy months I have had in a while. This being said I only slept at my house 6 days the entire month because I was traveling so much.

The first of the month I said goodbye to River who was leaving for Mexico for the entire month. He got a internship at a orphanage there.

Then the day after the 4th of July I left for a youth camp in LA.

It was an experience that I will never forget. It was the second year that I had gone to this one in particular. But this experience was so different from the last. I wasn't even supposed to go to this camp but God made it work out and so I went there with a mindset open to whatever he was going to do for me at this camp and frankly over the month.
 God stripped away the things that had become my identity but should not have. The things from the past that brought me so much pain. And then on the last night I sacrificed everything to God and he clothed me in his righteousness.

I left that camp refreshed and a new whole identity. I was a whole person again.

Then I got back and a day later I left for my churches' girls campout called fierce. This was a refreshing time to try out the new self God had given me and grow relationships with my girl friends. There were no phones or watches aloud so we had no sense of time and that was a beautiful thing. God helped show me that I am a apart of my family's healing and showed me he loves me.

After these 2 very God filled and tear-filled weeks it was nice to know the next thing I was going to was a week at my cousins house. I was able to relax and Catch up with River during this time along with spend time with my family. At the end of this time I didn't want to go back home.

I was able to go to the midstate fair and then have a day break before packing up for the Navajo Nation Missions Trip. A group of us highschoolers from First Baptist Church were heading up to Arizona to do missions work on the Navajo Indian reservation. To be honest by this time of the month I was really tired and a nine day trip of sleeping on the floor and doing work did not seem like the most fun idea. But I am so glad I went. Finally I was able to put everything God had taught me over the month to use and I was ready to serve these people. They lived in little shacks and trailers and most of them didn't even have running water. The first two days I worked on some houses and painted them and then the evening of the second day on a beautiful hike I sprained my ankle. To the point I couldn't walk. This was a whole nother learning process by itself. I had to learn how to except help and thankfully the last day we were there I received crutches. The last two days God let it work out so I could just sit with the children and play with them. I also had the privilege of going with the kids to drive them home after the day at a VBS. I was able to see where they actually lived. It looked like a third world country and it was right in the united states. In Arizona.  Other then those things I also made so many friends. It was so amazing see the 3 churches that came bond over the nine days we were there. The last day the leaders washed all of the students feet and we all cried and God moved all of us. In that moment I knew that the feet washing was the last thing God wanted for me. The wash away all the pain in my past and make me new.

I got back Saturday and River Surprised me and came home early on Sunday. My Crazy month was finished.

So much more happened with so many more details I had to leave out or this would go on for pages but you get an idea of what God did to me over the month. I hope that something in this touched you in some way. Thank you for your patience for the absent blog post. I will be posting regularly now.

Signing out,

Marci

homesick

i'm homesick for a person not a place

not a time on the clock but a face

he who is infatuated with every move I make

my mind rains tears and my heart has slowed to a steady pace

I feel empty without him

like a vacant flower vase

the memory of him leaving and returning with his green suitcase

if you drew my blood in every vein you would find his trace

i'm homesick for a person not a place

and all my lips long for is his taste

m.a.a

Break

Hello all, just wanted to let you all know that I will be taking a break the month of July with blogging. I am going on a couple trips and won't have my computer or the time. Half way through I month I will post one story, and maybe if I get the chance I'll do a couple more. Have a great summer!

Marci

Escapes

Everyone has an escape. Some people use those escapes more than others. Some escapes you can look at a person and know what it is. Others may have hidden theirs so deep they can't even find it. But deep down somewhere everyone has some sort of escape.

 

What do i mean by escapes. My escape is depression. Shutting people out. Being sad. A part of me goes into a shell to protect myself. Oh did i mention usually your escapes are not good for you. When i go into this state of mind everything around me changes into a scary unreliable place.

 

Why do we go to our escapes?

The word really explains it.  It is something that takes us away from reality. To get away from many negative things in our life. Stress is a big one for me, conflict, fear, loneliness.  

Some other escapes that are common are eating, sexually things, cutting, overworking, people and so many more.

 

How do you escape from these escapes?

Well it's not easy. For me i have to tell myself i'm not going to be sad. I am going to be positive about life and be happy. I need to be joyful. And it's harder than it sounds. When i freak out from stress i get physically sick sometimes. Yes it can get that bad. My body gets so upset and stressed it reacts as it is in physical pain and trauma. I Have to tell myself that i am not bleeding or dying in any physical way and slowly listing the truths help. There are ways to rewire your brain to be more positive and joyful. Reading the bible always calms me down also.

Suicide can be another huge negative escape. An escape from life. But it really is just letting the chance of life getting better escape you too.

 

 

The real escape needs to be God. So what's your negative escape? And how can you turn that into Something good.

 

                                                                        Marci

 

colorful

Gold rings and a pink pen
brown Messy hair and blue paint on her forehead
Writing more letters she won't send
colorfully Laughing over her dark past
and having no idea what is ahead

M.A.A

.

 

Vampires don't have to wear lipstick

Dear Diary...

I am a writer in case you didn't notice. So of course i have journals. And i have lots of them. For this blog post i wanted to tell you about all of them and maybe give you some ideas for some of your own, along with why having a journal or diary can be cool.

 

So i have a total of 13 journals that i have written in. 6 of those are completely full. I have two that i have not written in yet. And the rest at least halfway full.

 

I first just started journaling about my life. Crushes, and things going on in my family, just life. I started that first one in 2011 and I am currently on my 7th one of those types of journals. I love looking back at these journals and being able to see my personal and spiritual growth

 

The second type of journal i have is a travel journal. It's pretty small but that's why it's so great for that.

 

My third type of journal is a prayer journal. I just write little prayers down and it's cool to see a year later how they have been answered.

 

The fourth kind of journal i have is for my future husband. Or it was.. I kind of stopped writing in it as soon as i started because i found it hard to write to someone i didn't know who i was writing to. You might think that is what journaling is but usually i have someone in mind that i am writing too. Even if it's God or maybe for my future children, or maybe even one day a historian.

 

My fifth kind of journal is for my music. Something to write songs and poems in. I just received one that even had spaces to write lyrics on one side and music notes on the other.

 

My last and sixth kind of journal is kind of different. I basically am writing about my life in second person. So almost like i am turning my life into a fictional story. It seems to be my depressing journal because I usually use this when I cant handle my life and need to put everything into perspective.

 

 

Well that's all of them. I hope you enjoyed this post and let me know what unusual kind of journal you have? And if you have more than 13 journals:)

 

Marci

Handprints

It was love she whispered to her shaking body over and over again.
it was love.
Sometimes when she looked in the mirror the red marks looked like a heart.
Love was so diffrent from what she thought.
Because her younger self would not have seen a heart but two bruised handprints on her back.
M.A.A

his eyes.

they are the same color as the ocean.

with the grey sea foam lapping at its edges of a never ending story.

and a lost calmness I want to spend my whole life sinking in.

m.a.a 

Monsters

Without Monsters there would be no Heroes.

 

 

Black and White

I have two different sides. Can't you see my teeth?

She comes out and then resides like the tide.

I can't let her win.

Sometimes I can calm her, shaking and scared but she doesn't like to abide.

You probably haven't seen her because she likes to hide.

I hate her.

We are like black and white stripes.

Imprisoned on the same white page.

But her convincing me being black, like her, is normal.

 

 

M.A.A